White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
