I CAN MOONWALK!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
