i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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