If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
