I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
