yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
