I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
