I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
