Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
