I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
