She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there was a trapeze. enough said
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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