I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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