Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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