And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
