i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
