Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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