i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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