Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
