Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
