we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
