UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
