I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
