My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
