Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
