dude i'm inner monologue high
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
