Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
