i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
