i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
