Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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