I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
