my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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