had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
