If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
