listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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