When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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