all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
