So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
