I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have demons in me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
