6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
