Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
