if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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