I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
ok first of all what the fuck
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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