Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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