8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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