Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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