Please, let me fuck your mom
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
