I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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