being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
