i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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