I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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