I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
