I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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